Lost

I'm having a really rough week. Scratch that, a rough couple of weeks. I just understand the point of it all. No matter how much I try, it seems that I'm always failing. I really try a lot with school, but I can never accomplish what I think I'm capable of accomplishing. I can't get out of bed many days, I lay there and cry instead. Or sometimes I get down to the classroom or lecture hall and can't make myself to go in, so I sit outside and wait for class to finish. I don't know what's wrong with me! I just become consumed with anxiety of all the ways being in class can go horribly wrong. Maybe college is just too much for me right now. But I can't possibly do something else because that would mean that I'm not in fact a completely functioning member of society. I just wish I didn't have a mental illness, and just have normal worries and concerns. I think I'm falling apart, but I'm scared to tell anyone. They'll just tell me that maybe taking a break is what would be best for me, even though that would just lead to more depression. I'm just so lost and am feeling completely alone. Is there anyone out there who understands?

Let Me Introduce Myself

Hey everyone! So I'm going to try out blogging! Why not? This first post will tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a 20 year old college student and right now, I'm working for a major in philosophy. I don't know what I want to do in life, but I know that I want to give people hope. I have a mom and a dad who are still together, a twin sister, and an older brother. I've been going to therapy since I was 16 and have been on medication since I was 17. I am diagnosed with a mood disorder, but my psychiatrist treats it as bipolar. I had to leave school for a few weeks last december due to a breakdown. Right now I am on a low dose of Risperdal, but I was also on Zoloft for a while. I'll try to cover a bunch of topics on here because as we all know, mental illness influences almost every aspect of a person's life. I'll post again soon! Until then xoxo Aly