Telling the Truth

Going in to see my psychiatrist tomorrow... let's see how this goes.

I have always had a problem telling the truth to my doctors. It isn't that I don't want to get better or something like that, it's that I'm scared of admitting certain things. I already hate appointments. I hate going in to speak to someone I barely know and talking about everything that hurts me and everything that I do wrong. It's exhausting and very unpleasant. And over the past few years I have made a lot of progress, but it is still hard for me to admit certain things. So I lie. And bend the truth in a way that hides what I'm not comfortable talking about. I understand how wrong this is, but I have always been about self-preservation. That probably has to do with my paranoia. (Ironically, my paranoia is what I never talk about). But I'm at a tipping point, and a window has been opened. I think I'm at a place where I can actually tell the truth. It isn't because I'm in a good place, not at all. I'm exhausted and frustrated enough that I just don't care that much. I don't know how long I'll be like this, but hopefully I still have it in me tomorrow for my appointment. Wish me luck!